I Can't Wash This Off Of Me.

Sanitized faith, sanitized love,

Isolated by the walls that we build

And then i heard your voice

paint words on my heart

Now i can't wash this off of me

Feed the poor,

heal the broken hearted

Those without a father,

need a fathers love.

Feed the poor, heal the broken hearted

and I can't wash this off of me

© C. Olson 2014

4AM is a normal wake up call when you're involved in Sunday corporate worship. Having taken over a year off now from full time ministry, I still seem to wake up often on a Sunday morning at that same time. Half asleep, I see all the faces of all those people I love and led around the country. I think of them and pray for their families and for whomever is leading them now. 

One morning my wife was away and I was awakened at 4 during a blizzard of "way below zero". I felt led to get up and go attend a small (under 50) koinania group that I had filled in at a few times. All volunteers, no real pastor, worship is very unorganized and difficult to enter in with and yet, I love this little group of "jesus people" who want to do church like the first few chapters of Acts. 

That morning the main worship people were gone and it was a couple college age girls trying brutally to read their way through some new charts on the spot. The lead men who usually speak or have a word had invited some guy from a mission and he was pitching his 'give to the poor' canned speech.  

I'm sitting there praying "really Lord, this is what you woke me up for in a blizzard?" Sheesh. 

Then this 501c3 mission guy moves away from his canned speech and says "I took my first mission trip in the year of bla bla bla and i came home to the US and I just couldn't wash the smell of the slum villages off of me". And those words went into Echo mode in my sou

Ka-ching.. Like Shakespeare quoted in a fishing book... One line went past me and that line set the hook deep.

Out came my pen and paper and voila' my pen was empty.. Sheesh.

Out came my Iphone and I began writing the short song above.

When mission man was done speaking the group leader who was also the Aco.guitar player guy got up to close. As he walked by me he looked me in the eyes and said "have something to share?" I said "Yes, 5 chords, I'll pick a key when I get at your piano". 

And I found the key and I lay down my IPhone on the piano to read those lyrics. To play this new song for this missionary and that moment with this Ekklesia. 

After it was over, people wondered where the song came from and how appropriate and moving. Missionary man was praying through this offering time and thought it was a record being played. He asked If he could get a copy.  When I explained to all of them the song was 10min old and only written down as typed lyrics on an IPhone at that point, there were all these "deer in the headlight looks" like, you're joking right? 

Now I tell this story because I want you to know that this is an anomaly in church and it should be the norm. The Acts 2:42-47 Ekklesia. There should not be "deer in the headlight looks" when someone has a "word, a song, an exhortation, a prayer" something hopefully led of the spirit of God. 

If I had not been obedient to get out of bed and drive to this little place, then, I would not have been inspired to write this chorus. Yet, If my brother had not been open to Gods Spirit, (the Holy Spirit) to ask me "do you have something to say", All would have been in vain that morning and Jesus would have been echoing my earlier sentiments "sheesh".

 If my new friend had been afraid of "what will men think, or the elders? What is this guy gonna say? Is he gonna get us all in trouble? Will this take 20min?, Will we lose our best supporters if this guy is some flake I've just let up here? Will i get fired? Will he break the equipment? (Fear can be the greatest enemy to breakthrough).

Come on now, that could have been you or me thinkin that. It's natural. There of course has to be order. And yes, the tighter we make it and keep it, the less chance of "ooops".. Yes that's true.

But if you grew up in the Jesus movement, you know that that's also where most  all the "ahhhhh's " came from. It came in the stepping out, in the awkward and uncomfortable. In the "if I do this I'm an idiot Jesus" moments when they became our greatest stories of faith. "hey tap your stick on the ground old man". Can you imagine the chance for "fear" to silence you  being an old testament prophet and knowing the consequences of failure? Sheesh.

Like hearing Beth Moore last week tell the story of hearing the Holy Spirit tell her to go brush the long matted hair of a 100yr old man in a wheelchair in a packed airport and who was really blessed in the end?  Or an old friend of mine who just drives around at times praying and asking God to direct his turns until he's at someones house or business and he then goes and blesses them with something which always turns into a conversation that is Grace Filled with a miracle ending.

Nutty? at times, a resounding yes. And where do we draw the line on "Jesus told me to". When do we begin to look like snake handlers and poison drinkers? And should everybody do what everyone else was told to do? NOT...

Where do we exercise the gifts of and from God, and when is it appropriate and is it ok to fail? 

So many good questions and I have only opinions of what I think the Word says as i weigh all the teaching and read of others thoughts on various subjects against my own study.

For I remember once a well known songwriter/artist/worship leader singing to hundreds of worship writers from 30 or 40 denominations. And he had a "word" from the holy spirit for this group. And he could have said "thus saith the Lord" and 1/2 the group would have left the building.  But he said (as he was playing his instrument) let's pray. bla bla bla.. .and if Jesus were here this morning I really believe He would say this to us".. And he then gave that incredibly powerful "word" and it dropped everyone, and people were on the floor. He was obedient to turn from fear and share what he felt was truly coming from the Holy Spirit. And, he had the wisdom to know how to couch it and deliver it. Wow, there it was. Wisdom without man made fear. What an overlooked word today. Wisdom usually means old and boring and fear usually means a horror movie. And again I repeat for the 100'th time in blog form "It's never what you say, It's always what they hear".

So if you're in a small group, or a life group, or a bible study or a prayer group where people can be open and have the chance to fail and grow together, then, I exhort you to pray. 

Pray for Gods Holy Spirit to give you knowledge and wisdom about the gifts that abide in you. Gifts that He can and wants to use for the sake of others, if, you'll be obedient to His voice and timing. And when you fail, (and you will), just be humble and be correctable and learn as you try to be His hands and feet each day. Hey that's what the whole "pay it forward" thing really is. It's just stepping out and exercising the gift of giving. And if that's not one of your gifts, I'm sure you won't do it more than once or twice. 

In a world of bad news, more than ever we need to deliver "good news" in an honest and humble manner, esteeming others over ourselves. And gosh I say the sentence above and I see this face once more. I see this face in a world of televangelism and slick ads campaigns as one that remains relevant, uncompromising to new generations. I see this face as unconditional love in action. 

And how was she "paid". What was her reward. How rich was she. How many lives did she affect out of love.

Sanitized faith, sanitized love,

Isolated by the walls that we build

And then i heard your voice

paint words on my heart

Now i can't wash this off of me

Feed the poor,

heal the broken hearted

Those without a father,

need a fathers love.

Feed the poor, heal the broken hearted

and I can't wash this off of me

 Sheesh... I'm humbled again and I can't wash this off of me.