Searching for Life Moments

Don't know about you all, but on occasion I try to "remember" life moments.  When people are with you, you don't think about this much. But when they leave you, you find yourself at times trying to remember their likes, love, smells, voice and times together.  Memories at this time are all we have. So for me, I will return to places where I had great times together with people. I learned to golf with my dad. In many ways my most fond memories were on golf courses together.


I was out playing one of those courses alone this last week. I chose to only walk 9 holes since it was in the mid 90's and instead put my gear away and took my ipod and walked over to a fairway we played 100 times. #10 at Columbia. Dogleg right par 4 that we both regularly put drives into the right woods on :)


The photo above was taken as I sat under a tree watching 4somes play through for a few hours.
It is here, here where life moments are remembered.
His smell, his laugh, his gate, his swing, his precious softness and his desire to just play like he used to when "he" was a kid playing this course. Hmmmm. (Big smiles and a few tears over just those thoughts.)  And there it is. All worth it right there. Those emotions are all we have left and we should do what ever it takes to keep them.   So I keep going back.


So is this why we try to have "moments" with the ones we love.. because someday we can only hope they will drive distances to be places where we gave them moments to conjure up their past memories of who we were? No.. but it does matter, and we should do it .. and do it regularly with those we love.


Funny how the drive to succeed can rob us of those times and moments. And for many it's too late to go back.  One of my dearest friends was hit by a car years back and was told he was probably going to die from internal injuries. The doctor said "if you have a phone, u best begin calling those you love and say goodbye and make peace". Hmmm. I can't forget that he said to me, that he opened his book, and began calling those to whom he had never forgiven or still needed forgiveness from.. (let that one set in for a moment)...

sidebar....
I sit here writing on my deck in a rain storm right now... Just took this picture you see. Rain storms are one of God's greatest STEREO audio parties.. Oh my GOD I love them... and it's pouring , and rain is bouncing off the deck onto my screen here,  and lightening and thunder are crashing all around and it's GOD! and it's glorious... and... I'm Glad I have Apple Care protection :) lol


And now.. I close my eyes.   I'm in the high mountains of Yellowstone in a one man tent sucking it all in and salivating about how good my espresso will taste as soon as the rain stops and I can boil up a french press to the smells of it all, and the mud, and the O3 in the air and the smell of fires and rain.
How the heck can you not fall in love with God people. His creation and gift of the gazillion things that tweak our 5 senses that are never ending.. and all .. because He loves us... sigh..


Ok, I'm back to this post on "moments" and I'm having one right now... giggle, chuckle, tear and sigh:)


So today I ask you to think of the people you love.  What is your fondest memory of them. How can you make that stronger, bigger and more memorable for the future.


I think of my faith.  My fondest memories with the one who gave Himself for me and loves me unconditionally forever.
1. the night i asked Him into my heart as a scared 15yr old.
2. the first time I heard a "real" christian worship pop song "love song" by Love Song. Sitting in the back of Melissa Sahly's 73 green pinto, and that 8track came on, and that song, and I wept. "Oh God, there really is music out there that speaks my language about you".
3. The many times alone on the road when there was no one but "He" to talk to and have conversation with.
4. Every time I stand in a mountain river with a fly rod.
5. The look on every persons face I've ever prayed with who when we were done had that same look of "completion/peace/healing and death to life" that was on my face the first time...
6. Every time the "Word" speaks something new from and old scripture I've read a 1,000 times.


So then.. The big question...   How do we lose this and let it slip away. Let those memories fade and begin to question them. Yup it's natural, but, it's tragic.
I would surmise we just don't go back there enough and look at the mile markers and rivers and golf courses of life where we came from.


We get caught up in the "survival" game of work and all it does to rob us of those things that keep us and our relationships "alive".   The person who wrote "stop and smell the roses" was for sure a lover of  flowers cause that phrase never "got" me. But, the last lines in "A River Runs Through It"  or the end of Saving Private Ryan get me .. each . and . every  . time .


How bout you. What are your trigger points. Go re-live a few this week. Smell the whatever the heck you love to smell that makes you remember, and be thankful, and shed a tear of joy. Maybe just maybe you'll feel closer to God at the end of it all, and you'll discover in your searching, that you've found another way to worship, and that my friend.. is..  a Life Moment..

Surviving Yourself "So Close Yet So Far"

A quiet beautiful sunset. The fire crackling around me. Gurkha 'legend' burning, with the smells of cedar and spice.  Birds chirping and my dog dreaming of getting every one of them next to me.  I've had so many decades of victories and defeats. So many life changing intersections of pain and pleasure.  My bride of 30 years sitting on another macbook behind me quietly reading.  Ok the dog just brought me a racquet ball and keeps re-dropping it at my feet. Nope... I shall not be moved. I'm savoring this brief moment.  No thoughts of 4AM to 12PM worship crisis moments or notes and emails of what should or might have been mixed with glory reports. Nope, I'm savoring this moment. 

Ya see.  

Well.... 

I know God loves me and it moves me to tears. 

I don't deserve a second of it. We'll I don't feel like i do anyway. But I'm lovin it. Like a son sittin next to his dad and all I can do it look up and say "thanks dad, you're the best".  You don't need me to do anything. You've done it all and it will all make sense some day.  How you make triumph out of tragedy. How allow free will to destroy what You mean for good. How natural laws kill what you meant to live.

But the breeze just hit my face and the smoke just filled my jeans with the greatest smell on the planet. And like a lovers scent, I'll pick up my jeans in the morning and remember it all. Nope I shall not be moved.  Heck, I might just get a sleeping bag and stoke the fire all night. Been there. Done that. Don't care what the neighbors think... I shall not be moved.

And you God. If you thought the thoughts about me that I do sometimes, I think you'ld have given up on me already but nope.. You shall not be moved either.  You cheer me in victories that I don't self proclaim, you cheer for me when I'm down. You ache for me when I fail over and over and keep trying to keep me looking at the cross. 

I know that in the midst of it all, you read my heart. Yup it's the one thing I hold onto in this life. I know You know my heart.... and every other breathing mortals heart trying to make sense of what's impossible..

Then there is the pursuit of understanding You.  How can I? And when I try, and the deeper I attempt,  I just get more questions and fewer answers. And in the end it's always Faith, Hope and Love. 

And I don't know about you, but the older I get the more forgiving I become. The more tolerant I'm becoming. And when i go the other direction it brings only sorrow and division.  And Jesus? The one who came and changed it all. Who rescued me and put hope into my days. To whom I owe it all and to whom I fail over and over every day. In the words of Andre Crouch... How can I say thanks...

Well. I can try to be real. more real than ever before. Heck who am I kidding anyway. If we are lucky enough to wake up tomorrow breathing we should be asking ourselves how do I try to make my dad proud of me. What has He taught me that can help me be better today.  How can I show someone I don't know that there 'is' hope, that  Faith works and Love wins in the end.

Everything the western world teaches seems to be "me" driven. Pride, winning, beauty, money and self-righteousness. Mix that with religion and it's an impossible dish to eat and be healthy.

I've never felt more human, more fallen, more lost and yet found. Never felt sadder yet happier about life. Never felt further yet closer to God. Never felt more in need of all that Jesus did for us and thankful and undeserving than today. But I shall not be moved. Where else can I go...  You can't deny your own experiences. You can explain them away with science or thought till the enemy of your soul (oops, sorry, a supernatural thought) robs you everything. And it will if you let it... But I shall not be moved.

Can't imagine what Jesus carried at the cross. The weight of all of this.... for all of us.. 

Here I can begin to take a left turn into biblical theology that no one really cares about except scholars who want to argue who's really right... Nope not going there. You don't really care. You just want peace, you just want joy, you just want to know you are loved.

You are.

I sat with two young arabic men in a hot tub the other night. All tattoo'd with arabic phrases and looking very threatening to an older white male wearing a cross and a jewish star on my neck.  Silence. There was silence. And i prayed. Lord my boys are that age. I love them and I looked in their eyes and remembered my early youth and narrow thoughts. And I began complementing them on their body art and hair cuts and working out ethics and commitment to God. And I smiled, and I asked God to help them listen and find His voice and to let me be an arrow of Faith, hope and love. And they saw my symbols and we shared smiles and handshakes and God said. "I'm all over that".

And I guess they might think I hate them down deep and I guess I might fear they might just be willing to throw a grenade in my hot tub if someone convinced them to. And I guess we might have just moved one step away from those fears in a real smile and an honest hand shake. And i cant wait to see them again.

And in the end the sun is going down now, and the fire smells better than when it started hours ago. The chill in the air makes me want to be in a mountain camp with the smell of trout on my hands and dirt under my nails. And I close my eyes and I'm there. And it's beautiful. And I'm thankful for all the people who have loved me, and spoken and lived beauty in my life. And some have come and some have gone and I miss them all right now. And I wish everyone I ever loved could be sitting here, right now, next to me , in the moment, hearing my heart say "I feel so close and yet so far" from all that will be one day. And i believe in you, and the fire is burning and the grace is overwhelming and I shall not be moved.

And We're Off.

Set under a blue spruce we planted 30 some years ago rest my grandparents and my father.

This last weekend the circle was  completed with arrival of mother.

She used to laugh when we'd visit this place. 

This giant blue spruce. The only one in this massive cemetery filled of oaks and elms. She'd say, "we told them years ago when we bought these lots',  that we would only do it if we could plant a nice blue spruce (from the land of our summer cottage) under where our 4 plots were". And there it is,  loud and proud. And in the right light of day it "is" crayola blue spruce.. Ha. 

The other laugh was that my mom had her birth date on her headstone, and she would clean it off and comment about the "other" date coming someday. 

Well it's all done now. The shells of four saints lay together, silent and side by side. Waiting.. waiting.. waiting for the sound of a trumpet. No more space in that cemetery for us,  so those four will make that blink of an eye journey without the rest of their family past and present.

And me. well, in that old blue spruce tree, tucked up under a branch hidden from view, is an old green canvas three legged camping stool that I hid there years ago. And on occasion when i needed a dad fix I would first travel to one of our secluded favorite golf holes that we used to play.  And if that didn't bring me the connections to my father I desired with him,  I'd find my way to the blue spruce. Yea I'd find and take down the stool, brush it off and sit at my fathers headstone.  The process always moved to pulling out two quality cigars.  I cut em both, light em and then lay one at my fathers headstone to slow burn as I enjoy mine and shed a pool of tears remembering why I am who I am between puffs.  

This is what remains. This is what we have. Don't lose it my friends. Find a way to go back there and "remember". Share it with your children, and your children's  children. Most the great people in this world ever took the time to write down their histories or their tragedies or triumphs.  They just "did" it in a one of a kind way, and went to the ground quietly. 

Someone came to my mothers home going the other day.  I didn't expect them to be there, couldn't understand why?  She was a young mother with children, who is relatively new in the faith.  She emailed me later to say " I didn't know why I felt compelled to come to your moms service. But after it was over, I was taken a back.  To know that after seeing her life story of raising 5 kids and over 100 foster kids, and the stories of all the lives "changed",  I realized how important, and what an impact one woman of God can make as a wife and a mother.  How many lives I could impact as a young mother she said. "  So there it was - another confirmation of "good fruit from her vine".

And another friend said, Craig the legacy of your mom lives on in you and your children now. For others are here today because you all are modeling what your mom lived out. Reaching out to hands that were looking for love.

Well, as I sit in a coffee shop in Riverton Wyoming waiting for a storm to roll in, I will forever remember my mom carrying me to and fro on her hip during those years I was crippled. Thru sun rain and Snow.  Never a complaint, never a look of "geeze do I have to do this again". Never a rememberance of her letting you know what she needed or desired. Always, getting it done, asking how you are and what do you need, supplying a positive word and a word of advice along with some vocabulary correction.

Do they make people like that anymore?  ya know other than the vocabulary  corrections, she really was a lot like Jesus.  

Hey momma, I hope your deeds continue to teach me and mine to my children.

Big Picture ?

If you are in a good mood and feeling cheery this wonderful day, you might not want to read my thoughts today without praying or chanting or drinking.  I never forget that my life is full of friends with  different faiths, no faiths, extreme faiths and confused faiths. So, I try to blog with that in mind..

So lately I've been on the telephone in deep conversation about politics and life and faith and God and Guns and War and Death and Patriotism and Conspiracies and Narcissists,Pacifists,Social/Communists and Capitalist. And, and do you know what?

It always ends in a mometary sick feeling of nauseous hopelessness.

Then i take a breath, pray, remember where my hope is found, remember the purity and innocence of     God in a childs eyes,  as they are viewing the world unstained.... before they quickly decide they want to own it (6months tops).  And then quickly the circle comes around again , and I know that like me, every child will lose that innocence,  that everyone will seek their own, that every mortal will live "fallen" and form and find groups that agree with them, and their views.
In the secular it will be country clubs or gangs,  political groups or anti-political groups (oxymoron-- ya think?) . And on the other end in the Sacred it will be.. More and more denominations and split denominations and, and, sectarianism and dogma. Splitting us into smaller and smaller insulated groups who find it harder and harder to find Jesus among us and across the isle.

And now we have social media to help us in the secular and sacred to figure out exactly who thinks and breathes like us, so that on our side and from our perspectives we can unite our smaller groups to become a larger more powerful, set apart, (self) righteous group.  While all the while, in the background, behind it all, those  global few, who plot and play to build these systems, can use our info,money and passions to sell us whatever they have pre-purchased to sell us in the first place.
Oh, like a court jester I'm laughing as I type..  Hey if i were one of the few who rule the world, and regardless of my faith, it is  the unfortunate byproduct of that wealth that makes man want more and more and more, I'm sure I'd be trying to find a way to be the winner as well. Whatever it took at the cheapest price.. And i'd Hire others to do the dirty work so I could put on my white robes and give away money through my charities, while others die creating it all for me. (would anybody like a potty break yet?)


And again, here I am, and it all comes back to that sick feeling. Why...

Is it winter?, the dreary cold and grey of January? Is it the incessant news cycles, rarely saying anything redeeming to us, except that 60sec. "life" story at the end of the news.
It is the global economy, and seeing your friends, family and loved ones losing jobs, homes,marriage and faith.
Is it possibly where I'm focusing my time and attention?

What am I looking for in my search for justice?  Some great solution. For God (or man)  to wipe out my enemies, my political and "whatever" foes. For my political, economic and social politics to rule and reign?  All to show the world "I" (and my small group) was correct; and that every time i called the rest of you names - for your views, well,  I am now vindicated?  Mooo Ah-haa-haa-haa-haaaaaaa.

If only they could see the truth "i say".( Ok, well me and MY friends say that... But the rest of the world, they are to ignorant or (add) rightwing or leftwing or chickenwing to really get it or see our solutions as the correct ones.)

Ya know, there was something in the 60's movement "all you need is love"  that was truth. Albit twisted and contorted to fit into a drug induced 5yr party. My generation - that generation,  through it all , at the core, I believe, was crying out for truth.  Few adults were listening or saw anything but sex drugs and rock and roll and it gave southern preachers one more reason to turn up the "fire" volume a bit higher.

Hey, we knew those two single beds with one Queen cover, were split much of the time. Ozzy and Harriet were hiding that, and no one was talking.  Television created such a false reality of life and what was really happening that I think it's part of the blow back to how far we've come to the other side of the street on TV and cable.

Were Ozzy and Harriet any less messed up  than Ozzy & the Osbornes.?    We mostly knew our fathers worked to hard and smoked and drank to much and went to church on sunday in a suit, at an attempt to find some redemption from their wives if not their gods.  We knew our mothers were living too much of life with un fulfilled dreams around an ironing board,  finding soap operas as one of the few fantasy drugs of choice. Hey forget about love, truth and justice, just obey the rules was the underlying thread. And really, honestly, Eddie Haskell was probably the most real person on family sitcoms at the time. God bless  Leave it to Beaver. I think The Osbornes is probably a pretty good look at what the Nelsons would have looked like 50 years later.

Imagine what the 60's would have been like if we had had the internet revolution after Sputnic instead of it dropping in the lap of Clinton and it's inventor from TN, 50 years later.
Nixon could have hacked the DNC from 1,000 miles away and would never have had to get caught lying.  Where would we be now.  Pretty scary eh?
Well, that's where were going, and the car might be getting 40mpg now, but it's still headed to the same end at a faster pace exponentially every day.

So can you stop it, or in the imortal words of Mr. Smith "It's Inevitable Mr. Anderson".

And what do we do in the mean time. While the world and man is crashing around you?

Because we are safe in a prosperous democracy, most never even think about this stuff.. But the time is coming when we all will have that reckoning in America, and with what's happening in the global economy i think more americans are sobering up each day to these possible realities.

As my last blog said. "My hope is found in Christ alone, and all that that entails". Yup, each of us must find that on our own. Every journey different, every moment changing how we view and accept it all.

For me, I can't live a day without His Grace, Forgiveness, Mercy, Peace and Joy.  Or the  knowing "in faith" that this is the beginning not the ending.  Heaven and Earth will pass away but His "Word" which has always been and will always be, which was in the beginning, and through it, all things were created from it, which was made to flesh, and dwelt among us, and lived and taught us and redeemed us from ourselves.  (all supernatural mumbo jumbo to anyone who doesn't study scripture, but it is "the living Word" none the less).
{sidebar} I know many people hate or don't understand all the Christian "catch words and phrases" used all the time. Sorry.. I do try hard not to quote scripture and use those words, but it can be hard truly explaining yourself without them sometimes.

A friend blogged lately of a dialog with God. He mentioned in essence, that for so many, when we pray or worship Him he hears ssodk, kdjjook ajdp c;lkjf kpldks a pl foekdj s vnkdolps lpleks because our motives in it all make our worship worthless.  Well,  I'm sure that without faith, much of the bible looks the same.  Confusing and worthless.  It sure did for me before I began a walk of faith. It was only then that those " aldk slkdj  9idjf ckkw tow". words became  "I have come to give you life and life more abundantly".

Solomon, oh Solomon.. in all the sorrow and sadness of money and power and wisdom, maybe you should have asked for only 1 wife and a house on a hillside with a cantor job in the synagog. After all, ignorance is bliss if you can live with it.

I look today at my family, children, grand children and friends. My father has gone, my mother is rapidly going. They will all go away. So too will I.
None of us taking anything with us, but a ledger of decisions and choices mixed with memories in our souls. As Don Henley so properly sang "Aint no luggage racks on the hearse down the block".

News Flash.....  none of us choose the best answer very often. I certainly don't.  Get over it.  Stop lying from high lofty places to yourself.. and others..    I'm really trying each day to lay it all down even though I fail so often.. but...
Yup. , again, that's where Grace, Mercy and Forgiveness come in to your life.  Replacing the fear of laws and judgement, that are used to make you stop and think if all else fails. Mercy does triumph over judgement.

And in the end it's Private Ryan again.

Yup, over and over I'll end blogs with that. Even knowing that Christ did it all, and paid the price. There will always be that mortal part of me / of us, that "is" Private Ryan in the final scene photo above. Asking, begging, for acceptance from the one who gave his live for him.

And as for the beginning of todays "rabbit trail blog" comments on American politics and what it does to my heart (and your's most likely)..
I must vote, I support democracy.  I want less Govt., (and all that means) I do love the American Experiment over all the others. I will try to respect others whom I painfully disagree with, by, not responding to things I can't change, and actually trying to listen to them when they won't listen back and hopefully the same goes for them.:)

I said in a Facebook post a few weeks ago that now with 800 million people all connected and sharing their opinions behind a glossy screen and a Mobi, that this is gonna get really ugly before Nov. elections in  the USA.

So my friends of faith, strap on a helmet, seatbelt, ear buds and get your heart ready to handle the onslot of onslots coming your way.  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me and He will never leave nor forsake me. (repeat as needed).
And for my friends who don't believe, but love me enough to still wonder what I'm thinkin...
I love you all regardless, and hope you return the favor :)....

"Living in the privacy of God"

Smiles are a precious thing to be shared. They are the outward reflection of an inward understanding.

So many types of smiles. Happy, loving, in love, scared, shocked, sad, sick, longing...

So here today is a photo of my mother and my oldest son. Taken in 2011 in my living room. I ask you, what kind of smiles are those.
I see in my son, "I love my grandma".  I see in my moms eyes, "I am such a blessed woman".

It was the last time she visited our home.  Now with advanced stage Alzheimer's she walks no more and lives in a facility with hospice care.  Solomon had it right in his later years. Life is not fair.
 Should we have to watch our loved ones live in gowns and not know where we are half the time, with people yelling and crying and hallucinating around you 24hrs a day?
Only the wealthy can take their loved ones home with enough staff to care for them in this state 24 hours a day. God bless all those capable of doing this.. it is the best way if possible.

And so we visit. For me, I dread it every time. I don't want to go see her like this.  The reality of what her 24 hour cycle consists of  (on the outside and in the natural)  is sickening. Yet she still knows most of us, most of the time. She will think my brothers or sons are me. Ouch.. But after the first time it's just reality. Leaving is the hardest. Like leaving a helpless child in a hospital.

Your mind takes you to the the little things.  My mom, Marilyn, used to be an Arthur Murray dance instructor. When you danced with her, she'd give you "about" two measures of a song, before she took over like a professional jockey and tossed you about the floor, whispering, elbows up , hand up, back straight. You didn't like her leading but you sure knew you were better by it.


And now.. I pick her up and set her in a chair. The irony.
Ironic, that is, as well, that those of you who know me, know I was in a wheel chair with "leg perthes" from 4 years old on, (told I would never walk), and my mom had to lift and carry me everywhere in the non handicapped world of the 60's. Never complained. Yup she'd grab me under an arm and put me on her hip like carrying a sack of potatoes out the door to the old Chevy with the "Everlast' wheelchair in the trunk, and then off to try to find some place to shop without any stairs to navigate. This photo was me leaving the Shriners Hospital in 1960. What a blessing that organization has been to so many who could not afford specialists, and, Shriners is still private, not a tax payer funded govt. run money pit. I'm so thankful for all the Shriners who have given so much for children and every time I lift my mom up I'm reminded of all their heavy lifting.

sidebar:
So here I am blogging about my mom today, and somehow it still has to come around to me. "squirrel"...   me, me, geeze, does it always have to be about me somehow in the middle of the circle. Hey don't you love blogs where you type your thoughts and leave them lying there naked and exposed. YES.  it's where people learn to be real and realize we all are so much the same with different coverings. From the most famous to the least of these.

ok i'm back now.. :)
Growing up, Marilyn used to read 3 to 5 books at a time. One at every chair, and cassettes of her favorite preachers blasting at the same time in the background from the kitchen cassette deck where the smell of old Folger's coffee was coming from. All day long. Robertson, Hagen, Felsdick, Graham, Haage, Seville, Copeland, DuPlantis, B. Brim, M. Hickey, J. Meyers and on and on. All the end times books strewn about.  I guess now in retrospect that kinda explains why at any moment she would also pick up the National Enquire and quote it like it was the bible.  So funny, the things that intrest people differently...

 Now, today, she doesn't read anymore. Can hardly imagine her not with a book or paper in her hand.  She would say to you today, "Why should I read, if I can't remember it in 5 min."

So what's my lesson here today. It's not to be sad or bitter or angry. Not to focus on the negative. That's not my purpose.

It's this..

Sitting with my wife and our youngest son the other night, Marilyn was more in the moment than usual. Getting ready for dinner she was wheeled out in the open area. We sat holding hands and she had those incredible swings of emotion from "where am I, I don't even know where I am", to, deep loving smiles and the words, "i love you so much". Ouch..

In that moment, she reached out to Janes hand,  and in a far away stare as she touched Janes ring, she said, "I'm living in the privacy of God".

Take that in for a moment. Think about it and each word in context of her current life.

She then said " is that written on your ring?" we said "no mom, you just said it". She responded with a  blank pondering stare, and we all sat quietly for a moment.. in the moment.

My friends, what if, in all of this, that is it.

What if we all in the end, when our minds and bodies go, enter a private  world with God. A place where on the outside we are bound and shackled to the world around us, but in our very spirits we live quietly, protected in the privacy of God. Waiting for our earthly vessels to give up, give out, and let us fly home to a place or space where there are no words to describe "being one" again with our dad and creator.

Thanks mom, I need to pray more. To seek that same place you've now found. That private place with God, where all things are laid bare, where nothing matters in the flesh anymore, but listening for His voice, waiting for His hand, and longing for the day to "being one" again.

Don't know about you my friends, but I just can't imagine a day or a moment any longer in life without  in faith "knowing" God's presence, peace and purpose.  To experience all the fears, failures, triumphs and victories without it, is, in the words of Solomon, "meaningless".

If you are young and reading this, i'm sure much of it has little meaning yet. For those older than I, you may see folly and error in my youthful words. For everyone, I just hope you take a moment and ask the question. "Am I ready to be alone with God. To sit and to listen to what He has to say to me about my life?"

Do you think it will be questions and finger pointing or praise and adoration?
And when He speaks, will you smile with joy or fear, happiness or sadness?
Be still, ask good questions, and for god sake, don't stop listening. I think He's everywhere...

 We just need to find the places where it's quiet and we can actually listen. shhhhhhhhhhh.

Red Letters of a Holy Umbrella

New Year, New Hopes, New Dreams, New Promises, New Victories, 

New Defeats, New Failures, New Frustrations. 

Same as it ever was, but what are you gonna focus on.  Where are you gonna hang your hat, What horse are you betting on. Is your glass gonna be half full or half empty.  For those following Christ, did Jesus change this last year, or are you seeing Him differently. 

All of us who are trying to live out a life of faith in a world where at least in the USA,  faith is dumbed down to right wing politics or left wing social gospels. 

We are struggling to find,  to relate to and to affect the world around us as Jesus did.

Well, my friend, what kind of Umbrella are you choosing to live under today.  Many around us, are leaving traditional  "AND" non-traditional church. They even questioning "what really is church". Does this surprise you? Why.

It's now, Social Change,  Rock Concerts, Small Groups, Home Groups, Satellite feeds, Video Replays in the coffee shop or school or theater, Back yard BBQ's, Camping trips and Random acts of kindness?

What is church, none or some of the above?

Someone said "if we are His people, following His words, then He is the church and lives in us, and we "are" the church where ever we go whatever we do, for better for worse.

So what about your spiritual covering then... Your spiritual accountability...  

Especially if you are a new or young believer? 

I like the above photo above. Men have created 1000's of umbrellas to park yourself under as accountability, or as a covering for your  faith. To be a "king" over you to protect and watch over you.  Do they look different from a distance. They eventually end up having the name or names of some men on them somewhere who honestly decided, or their people decided, that they were the Matix's "oracle" .   The list is long and bloody.  It involves more tragedy death and sin that anyone care to remember, all in order to claim to be "the" umbrella, and be separate from the rest of them protecting those under it.    Mans or better yet,  "MY" intentions may begin good in doing this myself, but are always flawed with pride and selfish ambition at the core; if you dig deep enough, or offer me enough or offend me enough... Well, I believe God knows this. I believe it's why he told Samuel "HE", was their king and they needed no other.. 

Have we ever really listened to God  much outside of our own questions and desires.. to His....

What did he say. What did Jesus say.

Over and over again I ask myself this.  What did He say, What did he do, What did He mean.

Everything else I can question at another level, but the Gospels and the Red Letter Words seem to be the best common ground in fellowship. I read and study it all, but keep coming  back to "what did Jesus say and do...

So with that said,  who do you believe when it comes to interpretation of even "HIS" quoted words. Do we listen to mens voices or Gods Holy Spirit speaking in our hearts as we study, pray and live it out, learning as you go..   "I" think both.  But, in the end you have to trust, pray and be willing to change, as we learn through increasing knowledge and life experiences, of the great  failure and victory, pain and pleasure in "life". 

There are so many divergent thoughts about "who's right", who has the best "whatever" on life as a believer. Who convicts or make me feel the best. Who's in  the spiritual Robb Report this year. Who plays and sings the best. Who can I follow this year....  and in the words of "Men at Work", "Who can it be now"...

Hey, i'm  more and more coming to think, as in all things of life, "it's the journey not the prize, not the quantity but the quality" that we really should focus on. The  eternal prize is there, and it's a promise, and I hold to it firmly, but, 

We should work for work sake - not for the paycheck

We should give for the sake of giving - not for the return

We should love for love's sake - not for the selfishness in Eros or payback.

Sure sounds simple eh..

You know the world is full of different people searching for the same meaning to life as you and I. All with their 5 senses wide open as they navigate this blue marble.   Jesus lived amongst them and around them every day. Who honestly accepted Jesus, and who usually rejected Him for his words and deeds.  Who was He trying to reach and who's business was He about? I think He'd hang with Kiss before me. He sole my heart already.

Today when the world see's Christianity as we live and breath it, do they see Jesus, and His abundant life, His unconditional love, His complete trust in the Father? 

Do they ever see this through us ?  How often? 

Ok, they may be looking for every thing wrong and nothing right. Yes that's true. They may fight, run and hide from truth and grace, fully understanding in their flesh what they will have to give up to follow Christ. 

 Oh and we may say "What you gain is way better than what you give up", but honestly they look at us, instead of Jesus,  and too often say "do I really want to be like that"?

We need to throw off the chains of self-righteousness,  

and expose our boots for what they are quite often covered with, as we go about trying to tend this messy garden. Put down the tools on occasion, and open our arms to those within our reach. 

We must  put on the whole armor of God, but  never forget that it is held together by the greatest of all...  "Love".

That might  also mean putting down your umbrella, exposing yourself to  more "problems" and letting the rain actually mess your hair and get you wet infront of everyone who you want to respect you. We might have to actually pray for understanding from You, Father, instead of expecting if from man every day, somewhere, somehow.   We might have to learn to worship without a leader in front or around us. 

We might actually go out every day and interact with other believers, breaking bread wherever we are going or working.  Playing and worshiping and encouraging sharing and admonishing each other, one on one, two on two. wherever we are.   Building each other up, supporting each other, each within their own means, as well as praying for each other and developing relationships to the point where accountability, and covering , becomes a natural outpouring of love between friends.  
Gee wiz what would we call that. 

Truth in Advertising..

Today I begin writing in the spirit of Andy Rooney of 60min. fame.  You could actually read this and hear his voice most of the time.:)


Some how this week in reading newspapers, blogs, emails, texts, Groupon coupons, church billboards, websites and the rest. Then there was all the cable new shows and the ever in your face talk radio. 


Well,  I'm think i'm giving up on truth in advertising. It appears that truth appears in life, to be spun into whatever the spinner is trying to accomplish, for whomever is paying their bills. Politics, being probably the best example of it today.


I think it was Groupon or one of those many services I receive each day that got to me the last few weeks.. 50% off 75% off 90% off right now!   Super!  Groovy! Down with it!  Till you go through 4 pages of links and ads, to find out it's 50% off on up to the first $10.00  you spend, if , you spend over $100. .  So really it's 5%..


Pick an ad.. any ad,  for someone selling something. Trinkets, Trucks, Truth, Transparency, Toys and Time.  How is each pitch spun, to convince you that it's what you really need, as opposed to "we're the same as everyone else, and this might actually kill you if you take it."

Don't know bout you, but I'm finding it more difficult every day to believe just about anything I hear or read anymore. And like I said, this political season in America,  has made it almost unbearable already, to believe anyone about anything, regardless of party or preference.


Then there's religion. OMG. Yup Really God, OMG.  All the slogans, new church names to hide the denomination affiliations and on and on.  We're trying to get folks into  buildings by just about any means possible today. Productions, Give Aways,Free Cars, Trips, Classes, Free Food,  Helps Ministries, lights cameras and action, tatoo's and bowling shirts, and a million marketing ideas all in play, so long as everyone is willing to fit our mold; pun intended, or view.

We still put people in classes and ask them to join our groups because it's what were comfortable with.. It's what we've been taught, it's what we're supposed to do.  
  Well honestly, I'm not sure who to believe anymore, except the Red Letter Words, and what the Holy Spirit speaks to my heart when I'm in earnest prayer.
Big Book stores are full of writers telling you God meant it this way or God meant it that way or God's coming back or Gods really pissed at your ineptness or He doesn't even care about what you do, He only cares if you say "Geeeeesus" and I only care if you buy mine. Miiiiiiiineeeee.


So we look to smart people and or scholars and teachers (not in any order) to enlighten us. And we find out, in time, that it divides us more often than ever uniting us.


We pray for wisdom.  Well no  shhhish-kabob Sherlock. If God doesn't help us navigate through our own waste we create, we dont' have a chance at a peaceful solution in this lifetime.

Then there's Jesus.  (big sigh of relief coming. You can hear the music swelling of your favorite movie theme. You have your own picture in your head of How incredible He is).  Yes Jesus, The One, The Only. The Real Deal.  Gosh I love that name.

The one who came and paid the price, who stands in the gap, for all who call..

How did He handle it all. 
What did he think of truth in advertising. 
What was His model. 
How did he handle stress, sin, anger and everyone around Him lying and scheming in fear and doubt. 
How can He help us without us twisting and wrecking the essence of all He lived for.. 
Really, How did He do it.

Well...   I read it was Prayer, a lot of time alone, Very Few Words, Love, Compassion, Truth without Terror,  and not caring or showing us he cared much about the things that don't really matter. 


Think about all the issues Jesus never discussed because no one asked Him about it. He created the cosmos... Hello... He could have had some pretty deep conversations with smart people... ya think.  We're all torked off because He didn't spell out,  in red letters, in 5 locations, with old Test.  verification what he thought about Homosexuality or women's rights or slaves or how much is Too Much of anything questionable. And He was such a bad finger pointer.... ;) Arms open wide was His style... and that cost Him... No more words needed here..

As I read the Gospels, I can see Him walking each day, among the/His people in the city and the countryside.  Taking questions,  and answering, quietly, with pathos, and,  carefully.  And what about all those who thought He was heresy,  a liar or a nut case. How did he handle his enemies every day. 
Pretty carefully --- as you read and re-read His answers and parables.  

BTW,  I think Jesus was a skilled carpenter.. His earthly skill set...  I'm guessing Joseph taught him that skill.  How often did Jesus discuss that. Did he ever lift himself up in conversation.  hmmm. (never?) Never talked about himself and or his earthly skill sets?  Never sang that great song "it's all about me".

Wow. How am I doin there personally? ...  
I guess "F - for flesh" is what I'd  get most the time.  
Not kicking myself here, just being honest.
 He doesn't love us more or less based upon what we admit..

So why do I fail?  I'm sure you all could tell me better than I, and with more vigor, lol, but I guess I don't seek the father enough for His answers, before I'm asked the questions, where then my flesh answers first, out of pride or fear or anger or jealousy. 
Walking in the Spirit is not a one prayer a morning process or a Sunday Sermon tank filler....

I actually feel bad for the humans who are created with that Gene that says "learn it all and know it all". Their brains force them down roads that create denominations and libraries of theological books that only other theologians read.. Yet I feel bad for the people who don't ever read, but just listen to others and agree with everything. These as well are dangerous people under a pied piper.

What did Jesus say? Become like lawyers, preachers, politicians, salesmen, athletes, pop stars, Futures traders ? 

I think more like children who are wise as serpents and innocent as doves. Interesting combination to balance out.

Now can lawyers, preachers, politicians super star athletes, billionaires and pop stars be like Jesus?.....

It's harder... Yup. it is. We expect more from them. (ok well some of them)... And that's our fault.

We need to get over the need to making our heroes into super heroes. 

And I'm talking about leaders here. Teachers, Politicians, Pastors, Artists. Athletes. Smart People:)

We need to raise some new generations to understand that the only person on the planet who will not fail them is Jesus. End of Book... Everyone else... "mortal and capable of all evil if not walking in the Spirit and producing the evidence of that fruit".

Seems to me there was a time when some people wanted a hero, a king, a leader.

Seems to me God was loudly saying "hey there" "georgie girl" .. I'm your King, I'm your Creator, I'm your all in all. You don't need a man made Idol. 

But that's what they wanted, and that's what they got, and that's when we realized once again how bad we are at listening to truth when it's spoken. 

So I'm gonna have another espresso now and sit quiet for a half hour and pray, and cry, and ask Jesus once again today, to help me be more like Him, the only one who was, is, and will be truth in advertising, now, and forever more.