The bigger the better or badder.

Why is it that we are happiest with the small things but think we'll be happier with the big things.

When my second grandchild / first grandson was born I was reminded that like all parents, my daughter and husband were again to have a life of many hardships raising children. In that, they would see the hand of God over their own choices and decisions.

For our families, friends, lovers, enemies and neighbors we love to have the bigger, better, badder, newer, shinier. It brings a feeling of accomplishment, and feeling of pride, a feeling of richness, and yes, a feeling of god.
Not that any of it is bad. NO it's not, but it can give us the god complex of false superiority, lordship, worthiness, creator and dominator/denominator. That whole thing brings us white robes and big rocks in our hands.
Blessed are the poor in spirit, the poor, the hurting, hmmm the humble masses yearning to be free.... We / or better yet, I am reminded less than I should that it is in our poorness we are rich, it is in our hurting that we are strong. Yes, this doesn't preach well in a lot of church circles anymore, but I think it's talking about core spiritual principles that will affect in part the natural versions of the same things.
I struggle much with the whole aspect of living and teaching law vs grace with many of my contemporaries and friends from different walks of life.
As much as I hate the sin in me and the capacity to sin in me, I hate my god complex of being judge and jury over those less fortunate than I on any given day. I can pick up a stone as fast as anyone on a hot topic but never think it's as bad when i do it.
I love my Jesus in the face of Mother Theresa, MLK, Doctors without borders, church greeters doing the same thing at their job place. I don't see Jesus on the face of much of the modern church today. Not that we're worse than we've ever been, just maybe a bit more "smarter, slicker and relevant". All that can be incredible when applied to a humble foundation of the beatitudes, but dangerous when applied to any foundation of the "me/god foundation".

So as i leave for services this morning, I'm brought to tears again by Oswald C. on Aug. 22nd "My Utmost".
"When He comes, am I prepared for Him to drag into the light, every wrong thing I have done?
It is there when He comes. Wherever I know I am unclean He will put His feet; wherever I think I am clean He will withdraw them.
Repentance does not bring a sense of sin, but a sense of unutterable unworthiness.
.... The reason God can not come into my life (in more measure) is because I am not through (with my self) into repentance."

May pride be seen on my face Lord and may it be pride in only You and what you are doing in and through this revitalized holy, sanctified, marvelous.... oops I mean humble, broken, unworthy and thirsty vessel filled with moments of Your holy, sanctified marvelous grace.

pretty cute grandkids huh....:)

Remembering Fathers Day

Well here tonight on my deck I'm reminissing of my best friend. On fathers day I'm reminded of the thousands of smiles, tears and laughter I was blessed to share with my dad. He never talked about himself, the wars, his pains and struggles. He just had a kind gentle way of loving just about everyone. Taking over 100 foster children in with his 5 kids and a dog and cat, his only frustrations came out watching sporting events, muttering over a 3 putt or a duff chip, liberal politicians and trying to find a way to not argue with mom with "Oh Marilyn".... Never complained about 3 jobs, losing his company, 2 heart attacks and bypass surgery, lung and brain cancer. NEVER.
Could have had surgery for the lung and brain cancer but like the end of Private Ryan said "I've lived a good life, I'm ready to close this short story and enter the novel of all novels. Never talked about another woman other than his wife. Rarely ever took time for himself and Never complained about that either. Loved to shine shoes on a Sat. PM and wear a turtleneck with a sportcoat. Loved mustache wax and relished every moment of a good cigar (from me:) lol, cause he'd never spend over 2bucks for one. I think my favorite moment was taking him along on a road trip to Palm Desert for a gig. He'd not been away from my mom more than 2 days in over 35 years. We stood alone on a lush Tee box as the sun came up in the desert with the mountains all around and I don't think he ever thought he's be that lucky to do that. That look, that smile, that "gosh this is something" gaze with a fist pump... forever priceless.
And now every day I stand on a course we used to play or at a restaurant we'd eat at... I'm reminded of how grateful beyond measure I am for such an incredible friend for so many years.
And then yesterday walking off a golf course past the clubhouse window I glanced into the window and saw him.... It was a reflection of me in the window... who I can only hope is somewhat a reflection of a man much larger that I'll ever be.

"The Look"

Here is a photo i took this morning as I was writing and having my first Espresso . Does this look like the "look of love?"
Burt Bacharach and Hal David once wrote a great tune "The Look of Love".
Dusty Springfield was the lucky girl to be blessed to do the vocal track back in 1967. Well all I remember from '67 is that I had a crush on my 5th grade teacher who drove a brand new orange "Barracuda"fastback. WOW she was like Dana Fitzpatrick.
Honestly 40 years later I now love the version by Diana Krall and I wanna fly fish for Barracuda.

Today Jane and I have been blessed to raise three uniquely incredible children. If you showed this photo to our three children, all three would tell you that that's "the look".
I never liked spanking, but all three of our kids up till the age of around 5 got there share when all else failed. Marissa would rightly tell you she got the most over the boys. She had the most "my will not thy will" inbred. (hmmm where did she get that?).
Well there comes that time when you really must stop corporal punishment and move to other methods of "teaching" lol. I developed "the look". When I'd give this look to my kids it meant " don't even think about it", or "you are Not serious" ,or " If you lie to me I'LL know anyway".

It's important to keep that and other things in your parental arsenal to "hopefully" use when you feel those you love are slipping, have slipped or are headed to slip and hurt themselves.

The look would never honestly be used to hurt those you love only to help them, or help them stop, think and or pause to understand something. (If only children could understand that).

GOD..... How bout God....

What has He done for us? How does He convey "the look"? What is His method of trying to get you or I to pause, stop, think, reflect, pray, search our memory banks for "Word" to help us make proper decisions.

Today think about if you couldn't talk out loud or be seen by your kids -and- you had to find some way in love to encourage, discipline and help shape your kids destinies. How would you do it? How would it make you feel to watch them make bad choices and you couldn't speak outloud to stop them. How would that break your heart.

GOD.... How bout God....

Jesus was and is "the look of love", "the word made flesh", our living example of life. The living Word is all we have to hear clearly God's voice and His opinions. Prayer/Worship is our supernatural connection to knowledge, wisdom and power. and although it's one of the things we spend the least time at, it is like eating the Word one of the hardest to be faithful at. It's so much easier to go have coffee with friends and talk about other faults while reciting a verse or two.

Father today, help me so that I can make better decisions and choices in this walk of faith and not have to fall off any cliffs I see as adventure. Keep my conscience open to Your direction and help me see "the look".

Using Your Imagination

So here is a photo of a new "fly" I tied last summer for Smallmouth Bass. #8 upsidedown turned eye. Yellowdot barbells, olive marabou, rubberlegs, crystal flash, chenille, peacock herl and a tail cut of silicone from a worn out C-pap mask. lol

So what makes one think of these things and tie them all into a flyfishing fly? The need to create! God put it into all of us. We are created in His image. Will it ever catch a fish? Doesn't really matter but I KNOW it will :) You gotta love the sharpie black dots on the silicone to represent frog or dots on a minnows body. Come on, cant you see it bouncing on the bottom with the hook up (so as not to get caught on rocks) darting up and down with the marabou pulsing and the rubber legs moving in the current with the tail swinging and the peacock and crystal flash reflecting light. oooooh, so exciting for a fly tier. Yes it will probably get caught and a rock and snap off only to never be eaten but just maybe... :)

Now you all read this and say to yourself , whew I never new Craigt had such weird hobbies outside of songwriting and creating food dishes. Well it's only the latest I'm confessing.

How bout you. Those who have strong creative gifts already know what they are but it's those who swear they cant create anything but a mess that I'm interested in. You just need to let go, design time to develop your inner passions and forget who thinks anything about it.

You may love designing. Start it on paper, then bring it to your medium. Arts/Crafts, clothing, horticulture, science and on and on. You may love writing or music. There is no end to where you can "create". Begin in your home. Don't worry what your family says so long as you enjoy it and it doesn't take away from your life responsibilities or obligations. There is something "whole" that happens when you use your God given imagination. Note to self: "don't EVER look for others to think it's good OR think it's good yourself. Unrealistic expectations are the death of most creators. They are not met and we give up. I wonder what things God created that He finished and said, "hmmm, I can do better that that". One thing's for sure, He didn't say that when he created you.

Remember before you forget...

Last night I was watching a movie of love and life with Morgan Freeman as a therapist. Lot's of broken hearts, death and dying. In the movie his own son dies of heroin overdose and he had no clue. As a counselor he felt a failure. Staring at young adults and children at a wedding he sadly mused, "it's beyond tragic". His wife looking at this celebration said, "what do you mean". He replied in pain, " they have no idea what they are headed for. The pain, sorrow, hurt, brokenness of life that ends sadly...
I shed a tear, agreeing in so many ways that this is really truth. Regardless of our beliefs and creeds, there are basic truths we in a life of faith try to gloss over. Remember now your Creator in the days of your youth, Before the difficult days come and the years draw near when you say, "i have no pleasure in them". Ecc 12:1

Above is a photo taken last year of my mom with her grand and great grandchildren at our homestead. I see the joy of everyone in that moment but am reminded that as my father passed on three years earlier of brain cancer and my mom began a slow journey into dementia , that life will have remarkable twists for all these grand and great grandchildren. 100 yrs from now their children and grandchildren will look back on this photo and tell stories of their lives and journeys. Have we prepared them for reality? Have we shown them our failures so they do not have to repeat them, or have we hidden them away for another generation to suffer? Have we spoken Solomon's final summary in Ecc. "Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God and keep His commandments." So simple yet so hard to live and teach as fallen/redeemed mortals. I look above and pray for continued new beginnings, lessons learned with the ability to grasp grace and humbly receive and grant mercy in all things to all people. Thank you Jesus that you are the foundation of all on which we can stand, hope and believe when life sends it's blows and we are grasping for the very air You breathe.

The Roman Forum

Having just spent a week in Tuscany with Jane for our 28th anniversary I've been flooded with so many thoughts and emotions. However due to Facebook, I've been neglecting posts here with daily posts there and photos, but need to get back to blogsville. :) I'll be posting photos here from Italy and remember you can always click on them for a "bit" larger 1024 version.

Reading the history of the Roman Forum (shown partly at left) and the interesting concept of the Vestal Virgins this morning, I'm reminded again that before Christs arrival, men tried very hard to create gods to fill that empty void in their lives with religious practices and sacrifices. Some honest , some very sick, but all, as the Hebrews were following, not following and following again Jehovah; waiting for Yeshua Messiah. While on the other continents of the world, men were as well seeking to fill that void with whatever made sense based upon their cultures, upbringing and personal moralities.

We sure see Americanized, NIV Christianity from CBN,TBN,GOD,ETWN and our denominations differently than the rest of the world sees it and views us. For us it appears to be pretty clean cut. With rules, regulations and exhortations on how each denomination see's it's believers to play out faith. Annually creating themes and slogans and bullet points and, and, and ways to grow "our" church while our neighbors continue to be lost, hurting and we turn the care of the homeless and widows and orphans over to the state. I wonder if God would or will bless the church ever again enough financially to take care of the widows and orphans if we had the passion and vision and leadership to do it? Or does God know mens hearts and would we just say "wow, what a super natural crop, I think I'll build bigger barns to hold it" and start a new building program with it... Forgive me Lord for I am part of that problem. Change begins with revelation so reveal to me and convict my heart till I do something Lord other than write, point fingers and talk about it like the pharisees were so great at.

With that said, I'm reminded of a couple obscure paintings I found in old basements of underground churches in Sienna that reminded me that the church has imho become focused to inward with the exception of missions trips. (I think many western missions trips should be re-named anyway as something more western like vacationjesus tours). I don't take away from the fact that just about every American who goes on a mission trip comes back changed and with a greater sense of how blessed "they" are to be living here, and now want to do more, but when I think of missionaries over the centuries, I don't think of bus trips to drop clothes off in foreign lands. I read the other month from a foreign missionary in Africa that the poor and so many of the villages live each day, week and year waiting and viewing calendars for the various denominations and churches to come feed them and cloth them for a certain amount of weeks a year when the weather is best and then leave for another year.
Thank you God for those faithful to live and serve amongst the people, to be living salt and light, teaching and mentoring life skills to those less fortunate, backed by the greater church.

So what was the good smaritan. What was their religion, their passion, their giftings, their motives. I love the other person walking away in this picture. Is this the traditional church or the heathen? I also love the ass in the background that shows that the Good Smaritan was on business and took time out to go out of their way to help. I was also fascinated by the background landscape which looks almost Spanish Western. What a painting, and to think it was about 10feet wide and 5ft tall many floors down in a dark room of an old monastery seen by very few. Talking with a friend this morning about this painting, he asked me, "if you are the good smaritan there, what is the question that the hurting person is asking you right there, and what are you gonna do about it when you get up from there, climb back on your ass to do your business and then get off your "donkey" down the road?

I think I'm gonna start by going to go look for my old 5 yr business plans to build bigger and better barns when the crops come in. ie: houses, cars, toys.

Cabellas

So today I received a letter from a bank that Cabellas contracted with. Canceling my card.
My card was paid up, I've had no balance for months, nor have charged there in 6 mo.
Cabellas didn't contact me.... but some bank did that they contracted with. Bad move boys and girls.

I remember shopping there one day a number of years ago and some guy says, let us give you a Cabellas card sir. You'll get 20% off your purchases today. Well that was a day I was prepping for a Yellowstone business and fly fishing trip and getting the card was going to save us a few hundred.
So 5 Min. later I have a Cabella's card with a 16k line of credit (so I can buy a boat I guess, if I were that stupid)lol.

Well I call the bank and they tell me that my credit score dropped below 700, and that keeps me from having an account with "Worlds Formost Bank" and their new quarterly benchmarks.
Okdoke. No point arguing with them, Cabella's was the source.
So I call Cabella's and they tell me that they can give me the "Formost Bank" 800 number.
Can you say run around circle jerk 5 times real fast. Well I'm sorry to say, Cabella will not get my business again. I told them that in this economic time of trying to people get to purchase anything, this was not a real productive idea, and they should re-evalute this thinking.
After all, it's not what you do It's how you do it. So it's back to ordering gear online at the best price instead of driving 50 miles round trip, and a few hours to walk through a beautiful store.

So it is in the ebb and flow of life. Those who serve the best, get the most clients.