Twists and Turns. (Mont.2014 Take #1)

Left MN 7 days ago with my truck full of gear and my old float boat pontoon on the roof. Driving across NoDak I had to pull off the interstate between Fargo and Bismark in an amazing thunderstorm with high winds and sideways driving rain at 60mph. My boat was fully strapped in 3 locations, but the winds were moving my boat sideways on the truck. Moving my power mirror I looked on the roof to say, time to pull over or lose the boat. With Semi's pulled over and lined up at a truck stop I pulled off in the storm to put a third ratchet tie down on. I remember cars of people staring at me like I was crazy as I climbed onto of the truck with rain flying off my clothes in streams. Of course I had packed my rain vest...... Duhh.... 3 feet deep under 1,000 lbs of Musical gear and cases.

Well, I got back in the truck stripped to the buck, put my Stetson back on, lit a cedar stick,  wrung out my clothes to dry in the wind with the windows down, as I cruise controlled my way up the slow incline to MT all through the night. Oh please no troopers tonight i said in a selfish prayer while looking at soaked clothes.  The sunset as usual across the plains was quite the light show as all through the night I played Mike Reids new record. Then movie soundtracks, then Sons of the SanJoaquin and Silver Screen Hits from the old west.. Yup mixing music with nature is a religious experience of sorts, and every time the river theme from River Runs Through It plays or the Tressle bridge theme at sunset, well, i'm there and I'm complete.



17hrs later I pulled into Livingston MT. at 4AM from the North side  smiling like a Cheshire cat. I drove by the old train trestle and into town past Chop House, The Murray, Dan Baily's and the old rail station. An old historic building where the Great Northerns, Millwakee Road and other iron horses made their way out west from St. Paul in the 1800's. through these towns and on to Gallatin Gateway on part of the Gallatin River. Sadly the beautiful Gallatin Gateway Inn of historic lore closed again over a year ago. And another couple with dreams of restoring it to its former glory, lose their entire nest egg retirement and end up broke trying.  That couple will pass someday knowing they tried what few could do without the success of inherited uberwealth.

I tried to sleep in the front seat with a dew rag over the eyes for a few hours as I awaited a Montana Sunrise.

Early that morning, I met my new old friend Bo "who I married in Feb. at the Murray Hotel" and had a few espressos at Gill's with him . If you've read my past years of Fishing Montana blogs you'll see pictures of where we met in Paradise Valley a few years ago and became friends with he and his new wife Tiffany. Bo kindly helped me unload musical gear into his storage for a few weeks before I headed off toward Twin Bridges for a 3PM meeting with Glen Brackett at Sweetgrass Rods to do some fishy business.

Glen and his wife were alone there that Saturday. Glen was out front pulling weeds along the main street and Christine was watering flowers out front of the shop. "There's Craig"  I hear her yell to Glen as I make my way to the shop. Christine, I find, had been a "Stewardess" for Delta in the 60's and now looked forward to talking with my wife Jane (35yrs N.West/Delta) on July14 at my gig at the Murray bar in Livingston. That will be a future blog. 

  Well Glenn took me back to the bamboo drying room like it was a secret hideaway. I Said "wow this smells like Carmel, butterscotch and burnt sugar back here." Very good Craig" as Glen smiled and we discussed the love of good wines, good food and their characters and smells, as they relate to creating things from the earth. He opened a custom 15foot drying tube and opened it to show me dozens of sections of drying bamboo cut in quad, hex and pent configurations, that will be used to create some of the finest rods anywhere and be on rivers and streams in the hands of men and women who dream of that day of throwing a piece of butterscotch colored cane with sylk line on it. 

   I also dropped off an old custom bamboo rod from the 50's that was a gift from years ago. I figured there would be no one better than  Glen to advise, rate and fix it if possible.. No markings on this old rod so I had no Idea what it was. For those into rods the tip felt like a 3/4 wt. the middle a 5/6 and the butt section 8/10wt. I guess that's how they made rods back then when you used them for multiple types of fishing. So Glen eyed it up and down like a gunsmith looking at a rifle. " Yea, I'll replace the ferrules and some guides and she'll be ready to fish in no time and it'll cost you next to nothing...

You gotta love artisans. They're all in.     So I picked up my first Manta boo, that I've waited for many years to have after selling other rods to obtain it. And what do ya know, my first boo is even named after my first born child. :)     If I live long enough and fish enough types of waters, i hope to have one named for each of my children someday. After all, there is a sentimental side to everyone that tries to marry passions with life in one way or another.

No Minnesota goodbyes here, it was hand shakes and talk of meeting in Livingston soon. So I left that Saturday to the sweet smell of carmel and new friends as I headed out again on the road to "hopefully" meet my old friend and fishing partner of nearly 40 years. He was somewhere on the open high sagebrush banks and plains of the Clark Fork Reservoir in a Jeep with a one man tent. Remember that without cellphone service, it's darn impossible to find someone out there unless you say "check for a note under the rock at mile marker 38....



So like a good scout I was scanning the distant hills, looking for a white speck in an open plain along the edge of the lake, I followed the dirt roads to the north end of Clarke Canyon to find him and there he was. And me, I'm   Honkin the horn as I advanced like some schoolboy on the first day of summer vacation.  Well,  we set camp and celebrated into the night, the union of two souls who love the open plains in search of trout and exploring more of God; in his creation, and how it speaks to us.

The photo above was during devotions Sunday morning on the Rez. from inside the old REI quarterdome. Devotions consisted of French Press and staring at that view for an hour. :)

Ok, I cooked breakfast after that and it was in the words of Rachael Ray. Deeeee-lish. Scrambled Eggs, sauteed Onions and Portabella Mushrooms, Emmentaler cheese and fried Italian Sausage. Oh yea, I had a real cook stove this time since I drove out. I didn't have to fly with my Single Mountain pack and 16oz cooking utility by jetboil.


Well, my buddy Bruce had gotten his new float tube and that night we were dreaming about floating the Beavered from below the Reservation on Monday. It would be our first personal float in our own small boats in (forever).

How would they respond, could we row and fish, would the anchors hold on the banks, would we get caught in eddies, would we be swept into the banks and snap our rods on the trees and brush as we spun around trying to row, would we be drawn into a boulder and flip to our demise? Well, Monday would be our first test on the high water twisting and turning Beaverhead river.

Mont.2014 #2

Monday 12oclock Noon. A 1/4mile down stream 15min into a fast 5hr float today with no way back I snapped my left oar on my boat. A wave of fear swept over my whole body as I tried to touch bottom and use the boulders and rocks to push my way to the inside edge of a sweeping turn or get tossed to the brush and trees in the current. Bruce was already pulled up on that corner and waiting for me. What's wrong his said whilst looking at my Holy.... face as i jumped and kicked my way to the bank. I showed him my oar and there was a moment of silence. What the heck are you gonna do. What the heck are we gonna do. We can't go back. We had no Idea how dangerous and twisting this section was that lay ahead of us and I sat on the shore thinking "what would MacGuyver do? What would Survivor man do? .

There was no way back and at least 5hrs to float. No way I could be towed and for sure I'd be carried into some eddy's and deep brush or rocks without two oars... I prayed and took a breath. What do you have and what can you use to get home from here..

Right before launching the boat I had gone back to the truck to get something for Bruce. There under my front seat was 100ft of orange braided det cord. I picked it up and said. Heck good to have some extra rope if i need to tie something down in the middle of the river. And that's where listening to that small voice that says "take that along" can be a lifesaver. With my Survival Military uni-tool and rope i entered the woods...... to be cont.

Coming up, life or death, Big Hole and Bob Mac, Brook trout mecca, Monster Rainbows, Wicked storms, Stars and the Milky Way and The 4th of July in Ennis MT and who knows what will happen today..


Signin off from a small espresso shop in Ennis MT.... stay tuned.

The other day a mutual friend made a comment about the loss of good people. I responded "nothing good goes unshattered". That phrase stuck in my craw for two days . This morning as the rain fell again at 46degrees and only the espresso seemed to make me smile I wrote this out.  On paper it seemed like a a Springsteen "brilliant disguise" type of tune. Then I picked up my old Gibson to find a key and write a melody, and it suddenly changed as I began to play here. I like to record the first ideas on songs so I have them to go back to. Now with simple macbooks and the advent of Youtube bad video production, we're all used to things sounding this way.

SOUL MAN

 Seems Nothing Good Goes Unshattered,  

every piece of silk wears worn and tattered

aint nothing on this earth that lasts forever,  

but your soul man.

All your favorite toys will be broken  

all your part time lovers will leave unspoken

There aint nothing on this earth that lasts forever  

but your soul man

Runnin in circles goin no where fast 

lookin for some light on some darkened path

You may be shiny and bright and catch some eyes
 but you aint no angel in disquise

just another soul  man,and you’re  looking for love.

 All my papers framed in degrees, 

won't impress anyone smarter than me.

and there aint no job to fulfill your soul, 

in this life man

 Runnin in circles goin no where fast 

like a click clack train on a basement track

every things real in a fantasy world  

till you wake up and in an empty bed,. 

and you're just another soul man,   

looking for love. 

BR)    Slow down, close your eyes and breathe       

 listen, to what the silence brings... to your soul man.

High end whiskey and high end scotch

  hell, high end anything that you got

there just a high end bandaid for a troubled spot   

in your soul man

 Running in circles on an oval track  

tryin to beat somebody climbing on your back

that inside lane looks like good ole crack,  

till it takes you out on the wall,   

but it's your soul man, 

looking for good  times,   

It's your soul man,   

looking for love.

I Can't Wash This Off Of Me.

Sanitized faith, sanitized love,

Isolated by the walls that we build

And then i heard your voice

paint words on my heart

Now i can't wash this off of me

Feed the poor,

heal the broken hearted

Those without a father,

need a fathers love.

Feed the poor, heal the broken hearted

and I can't wash this off of me

© C. Olson 2014

4AM is a normal wake up call when you're involved in Sunday corporate worship. Having taken over a year off now from full time ministry, I still seem to wake up often on a Sunday morning at that same time. Half asleep, I see all the faces of all those people I love and led around the country. I think of them and pray for their families and for whomever is leading them now. 

One morning my wife was away and I was awakened at 4 during a blizzard of "way below zero". I felt led to get up and go attend a small (under 50) koinania group that I had filled in at a few times. All volunteers, no real pastor, worship is very unorganized and difficult to enter in with and yet, I love this little group of "jesus people" who want to do church like the first few chapters of Acts. 

That morning the main worship people were gone and it was a couple college age girls trying brutally to read their way through some new charts on the spot. The lead men who usually speak or have a word had invited some guy from a mission and he was pitching his 'give to the poor' canned speech.  

I'm sitting there praying "really Lord, this is what you woke me up for in a blizzard?" Sheesh. 

Then this 501c3 mission guy moves away from his canned speech and says "I took my first mission trip in the year of bla bla bla and i came home to the US and I just couldn't wash the smell of the slum villages off of me". And those words went into Echo mode in my sou

Ka-ching.. Like Shakespeare quoted in a fishing book... One line went past me and that line set the hook deep.

Out came my pen and paper and voila' my pen was empty.. Sheesh.

Out came my Iphone and I began writing the short song above.

When mission man was done speaking the group leader who was also the Aco.guitar player guy got up to close. As he walked by me he looked me in the eyes and said "have something to share?" I said "Yes, 5 chords, I'll pick a key when I get at your piano". 

And I found the key and I lay down my IPhone on the piano to read those lyrics. To play this new song for this missionary and that moment with this Ekklesia. 

After it was over, people wondered where the song came from and how appropriate and moving. Missionary man was praying through this offering time and thought it was a record being played. He asked If he could get a copy.  When I explained to all of them the song was 10min old and only written down as typed lyrics on an IPhone at that point, there were all these "deer in the headlight looks" like, you're joking right? 

Now I tell this story because I want you to know that this is an anomaly in church and it should be the norm. The Acts 2:42-47 Ekklesia. There should not be "deer in the headlight looks" when someone has a "word, a song, an exhortation, a prayer" something hopefully led of the spirit of God. 

If I had not been obedient to get out of bed and drive to this little place, then, I would not have been inspired to write this chorus. Yet, If my brother had not been open to Gods Spirit, (the Holy Spirit) to ask me "do you have something to say", All would have been in vain that morning and Jesus would have been echoing my earlier sentiments "sheesh".

 If my new friend had been afraid of "what will men think, or the elders? What is this guy gonna say? Is he gonna get us all in trouble? Will this take 20min?, Will we lose our best supporters if this guy is some flake I've just let up here? Will i get fired? Will he break the equipment? (Fear can be the greatest enemy to breakthrough).

Come on now, that could have been you or me thinkin that. It's natural. There of course has to be order. And yes, the tighter we make it and keep it, the less chance of "ooops".. Yes that's true.

But if you grew up in the Jesus movement, you know that that's also where most  all the "ahhhhh's " came from. It came in the stepping out, in the awkward and uncomfortable. In the "if I do this I'm an idiot Jesus" moments when they became our greatest stories of faith. "hey tap your stick on the ground old man". Can you imagine the chance for "fear" to silence you  being an old testament prophet and knowing the consequences of failure? Sheesh.

Like hearing Beth Moore last week tell the story of hearing the Holy Spirit tell her to go brush the long matted hair of a 100yr old man in a wheelchair in a packed airport and who was really blessed in the end?  Or an old friend of mine who just drives around at times praying and asking God to direct his turns until he's at someones house or business and he then goes and blesses them with something which always turns into a conversation that is Grace Filled with a miracle ending.

Nutty? at times, a resounding yes. And where do we draw the line on "Jesus told me to". When do we begin to look like snake handlers and poison drinkers? And should everybody do what everyone else was told to do? NOT...

Where do we exercise the gifts of and from God, and when is it appropriate and is it ok to fail? 

So many good questions and I have only opinions of what I think the Word says as i weigh all the teaching and read of others thoughts on various subjects against my own study.

For I remember once a well known songwriter/artist/worship leader singing to hundreds of worship writers from 30 or 40 denominations. And he had a "word" from the holy spirit for this group. And he could have said "thus saith the Lord" and 1/2 the group would have left the building.  But he said (as he was playing his instrument) let's pray. bla bla bla.. .and if Jesus were here this morning I really believe He would say this to us".. And he then gave that incredibly powerful "word" and it dropped everyone, and people were on the floor. He was obedient to turn from fear and share what he felt was truly coming from the Holy Spirit. And, he had the wisdom to know how to couch it and deliver it. Wow, there it was. Wisdom without man made fear. What an overlooked word today. Wisdom usually means old and boring and fear usually means a horror movie. And again I repeat for the 100'th time in blog form "It's never what you say, It's always what they hear".

So if you're in a small group, or a life group, or a bible study or a prayer group where people can be open and have the chance to fail and grow together, then, I exhort you to pray. 

Pray for Gods Holy Spirit to give you knowledge and wisdom about the gifts that abide in you. Gifts that He can and wants to use for the sake of others, if, you'll be obedient to His voice and timing. And when you fail, (and you will), just be humble and be correctable and learn as you try to be His hands and feet each day. Hey that's what the whole "pay it forward" thing really is. It's just stepping out and exercising the gift of giving. And if that's not one of your gifts, I'm sure you won't do it more than once or twice. 

In a world of bad news, more than ever we need to deliver "good news" in an honest and humble manner, esteeming others over ourselves. And gosh I say the sentence above and I see this face once more. I see this face in a world of televangelism and slick ads campaigns as one that remains relevant, uncompromising to new generations. I see this face as unconditional love in action. 

And how was she "paid". What was her reward. How rich was she. How many lives did she affect out of love.

Sanitized faith, sanitized love,

Isolated by the walls that we build

And then i heard your voice

paint words on my heart

Now i can't wash this off of me

Feed the poor,

heal the broken hearted

Those without a father,

need a fathers love.

Feed the poor, heal the broken hearted

and I can't wash this off of me

 Sheesh... I'm humbled again and I can't wash this off of me.

FIGHT FOR WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN

Well here I go again.  Nevada and the Nicene creed. What are you fighting for.
This last week the standoff in Nevada on Holy week made me think of and apply the 5 W's again to that phrase. In fact I'll add "How" to the Who what when where why as i think about this.

As we Fight For What We Believe In: 
Who are we? (what can we find in common with those we disagree with without bloodletting)
What are we? (what have we been indoctrinated into that might just be wrong or atleast just an opinion)
When are we? (what are we like in private vs public, secular vs sacred that affects others views of us)
Where are we? (where is the best place to fight for what we believe in)
Why are we? (why are we really fighting. To make ourselves feel better about ourselves, to justify our own actions, to obtain paradise or to uphold the way of life we believe in whether "right or wrong" )
How are we? (what methods are we using to fight for what we believe in. Religion, politics, money, words, books,media, bombs, chest bombs?)


People are indoctrinated with a set of values from parents, teachers, friends, enemies and media as it relates to their community surroundings. Remember Ethan couch who killed four people and said "it's not my fault, I'm rich and entitled, I have "affluenza".   Really... 
Well go back 1,000's of years and name a race, a gang, a club, a cult or a team for that matter and include them all.   We're all groups of people getting together to say " we're alike about this subject". Groups willing to work and fight for those things they feel common about. And how far should they fight for their "groups rights" and (5W's). And can we be willing to admit we've been wrong?
In America, what would our founding fathers say about the state of rights and the bill of rights.

American politics is like American Religion... Yup, to many at the top are doing a great job of corralling and emptying the pockets and hearts of followers via finger pointing. Really, what does finger pointing mean vs how it's perceived? "Hey you need to be like Jesus might be what's meant, but what's heard is,  "Hey Douchbag I'm right and you're wrong." Perception is everything.

 I looked for a political finger pointing photo but anyone I picked to post here would have showed me a racist or bigot or pacifist just for choosing one with a face, so this one shot during a debate shows my point without really pointing fingers :)..

  In politics,  most would say that those pandering to the  left of center ask for money to support and fight for the poor, the earth, the disenfranchised, the mothers and the laywers and unions. And Yup, most would say that those pandering to the right of center are asking for money to support, big business, guns, fetal life and wrap that in a big religious anti gay flag with a 100 foot high fence aross the south. This is sadly what most our youth believe about us anyway...

 I think most people are in the middle and sucked into either side over a few critical points.

American Religion? same thing. Divide and conquer. You are for us or against us. With us or just plain wrong..
You're either in our camp or silently avoided as the unenlightened;  that is unless your gift is adversarial law preaching wherein the finger pointing and (truth by shouting) is taught. And this teaching and preaching by "I"m right and your wrong"  then mixes with politics and you end up with people thinking this stuff is ok..



Really, this is what Jesus taught us? Is this what centuries of religious scholars have passed down to so many ? And to think millions of people go to listen and believe and repeat what these people are "preaching?".

 I think most people are in the middle and sucked into either side over a few critical points.

So, what can I fight for that I believe in and how? How would Jesus do that? How did Jesus do that? How would he teach it today differently in this culture?

Sin... hmmm..   The new forgotton word.

The word "Sin" has been used so much in the damaging art of finger pointing that it's now been eliminated in many new and young churches and it's out of the dictionary  and vocabulary of many preaching/teaching books,  just like the word "evangelical" is being eliminated as researched by David Kinnaman and Gabe Lyon in  the book Un-Christian.  There are so many proper reasons "sin" needs to be remembered and discussed, and so many reasons we need to stop using it as a stick in the eye..   For me here's a reason it's important to keep it in your thinking.

I may be saved by Gods mercy and grace via Christ's sacrifice, but if I leave out "I'm  a sinner", in the " saved by grace phrase", suddenly i'm empowered to somehow begin to believe i'm Ok,  that I'm better than those who are not saved and still sinning, and that  begins to come out in everything I unconciously say and do.
How do we know this.  Look at the world around us under 35 years old. They want very little to do with our religion, our jesus, our two sided faiths. They see it more as us fighting for what we want people to think we believe in. They have lived in our houses and seen behind our curtains.

What if we actually admitted our weaknesses, our addictions and our fears and allowed others to do the same? I mean from the top down. Leaders, pastors, fathers, mothers. What if we actually walked in humility knowing that no one is better than anyone else?  What if the words, Love your neighbor as yourself meant you have to find a way to love and accept yourself before you can love and accept others. What if that begins with your leaders, pastors, parents, teachers helping the young to understand they are ok, broken we all are, you're ok and you're beautiful.  What if you could love others because you are loved, not just to look for a fight and a division because you have been taught you are better or somehow smarter and that gives you a right to fight..

Maybe just maybe when I say "fight for what you believe in", Jesus words are whispering back "Love what you believe in".  What if using  Love, peace, patience, kindness, longsuffering was "fighting for what you believed in". Willingly and conciously listening and praying instead of talking and mentally reloading.

And for anyone who knows me, I'm certainly not a pacifist. I kill animals and fish to eat and protect my property and family. And if faced with armed agression, fear or actual violence against my family and friends by anyone including govt's or religions foreign or domestic? I'd have to say" Sorry Jesus, I'm not Ghandi,  I'm gonna lock and load, and like Mel Gibson in "we were soldiers once" and I'd be prayin Hal Moore's prayer: Oh, yes, and one more thing, dear Lord — about our enemies? Ignore their heathen prayers and help us blow those little bastards straight to hell. Amen

and please, no mel gibson comments :)

Stuff

As George Carlin said "life is about our stuff"..
Funny how we spend "X" years filling boxes of stuff and buying more boxes for stuff, and then there is that time where we all will say, "enough".

From that day on you begin to see  yours and everyone else's boxes and stuff a bit differently.

The pursuit of stuff is addicting, exhilarating, fulfilling and challenging. Like a good drug, you think you can never get enough and like a drug you'll never admit it and see the depths of that pursuit in yourself, only  in others.

When in your sweet spot giftings, with the winds at your back, it seems you can do no wrong.  It seems un-seemingly unfair.  Yet when the wind is in your face and your only looking uphill with bad equipment, incorrect clothing and no funds, you will  find out how bad you really want "it". Whatever that "it" is for you, you just seem to know in your gut what you're willing to do to get "it".   And in that, the stuff begins to pile up and you begin to get more boxes to fill your castles and fulfill your dreams.

Years ago on a high end golf course lined with million dollar homes, I had a  vision while walking a fairway. I saw all the owners in the back yards lying on the grass, ball and chained to the back of the houses screaming silently for help to get away from it all.  Never forgot that.  Mind you if I had one of those homes paid for and it was within my means to own and maintain and leave it for others some day, I'd not see it as a ball and chain, but as you know in the world we live in, most upper middle class are living way beyond their means.  If bankruptcy doesn't get us to slow down and face the "Carlin Stuff Factor", then time usually will.

You've heard me say over the years "what's enough"?
I think it's different for everyone and I've certainly changed my tune about it over the last 40 years.

In my 50's now as I ponder the last third of life, so many things begin to surface that never did in my 30's and 40's.   A big one is  "time". Another is "health". And a third is "can I anymore, and is it worth the cost".

When my dad retired,  he drove handicapped kids in a bus for nearly another 20 years, and I think in many ways those were some of the best years of his life. We certainly had more time to golf together.

So many things he could have done with his artistic gifts, but they all would have required that mix of exceptional drive, determination, willingness to sacrifice time for others, and risk of losing it all and making nothing again with his gifts.  Above is a pastel he did in 1950 that I found full of mold in a hidden closet after his death. I had always wanted him to paint his last 20 years and he just never wanted to. Why? The cost of giving of yourself... for little return?

Come to think of it my father in law who was a gifted artist did the exact same thing as my dad, becoming a driver for hotels and canyon tours and auto parts stores until his death.

Why did they give up on their dreams and gifts.  Did they give up, or did they just realize that the generations to follow were hungrier and willing to work for half their wages with glee.  I think this really was it.  They looked at it all and said, it's not worth the fight anymore. My kids make twice as much as I ever did, are less thankfull for it and waste so much.  So, Let's dump stuff, dump boxes and find a way to simplify life, de-stress and enjoy  the rest of this.  Hmmm. 

Since the average life span of a man 100 years ago was not much over 45,  I don't think they ever got to the point to really ask these questions about, work, worth, mid life crisis, aging libido, mobility, depression and the 2nd half of life..  They were dead before they faced these issues.
 
In Biblical history, there were of course men living many hundreds of years. That makes me want to read much more about their later years than I have to date.  We certainly know King Davids son from Bathsheba " Solomon" , was so gifted and yet made dubious choices in the later years of his life.  

Like most, I have a few friends dying pretty fast of cancers these days. One I saw and prayed for in a coma yesterday. I've know him since I was seven. His life had been very simple with very little attachements to anything. Again it made me think of time.   Maybe this change about drive and focus happens when you realize you are really on a time clock. When you see a train go by and truly say to yourself, " take a moment and watch this, it could be the last train you ever see".  You hug more, you love more, you put up with less and speak your mind more.  

And I keep seeing old men and women on park benches sitting silent as they watch the world go buy.   I used to feel sad for them.  I now think they might be enjoying life more than most of us.

It also seems in life that compromise becomes harder for your core issues, and easier for the little things.

You begin to see those with life handicaps, who are happy and thriving, and it's more inspiring than ever.
You see those talented and wasting away their gifts in their prime, and it hurts more than ever.

You view a stress less sunrise and sunset and think to yourself "Yes God, is this what the garden was like?" Stress less beauty, no pressure or quotas, work with your hands, eat what you can, love without question , walk slowly and be thankful?"

I think so.

I'll be blogging more honest thoughts about faith and work and the future of creatives in the near future as I have been facing these questions head on the last year.  God remains ever faithful. Every breath, Every smell, Every feeling good or bad. Every heartbeat belongs to Him and he so lovingly lets us use them for our own purposes.  

What is really worth it any more? What is worth putting your life and effort into, that will make a difference, while allowing you to be yourself without selling out to and for others personal selfish gains?  
When you're in school and raising children, those choices are made for you most of the time, you just shut up and do it,  and half the time have no idea who's zooming you, or you don't care you just want the check. 
As you age, your conscious just stops allowing you to make those choices any longer. 

 And so,  I'm guessing that explains my father and father in law. And explains all the golf rangers in their 60's and 70s on golf courses or working in sportingoods and hardware stores around the world with a smile each day that says "God I wish I'd done this 25 years earlier".

So if you soon see me in a ranger cart, or in a sporting goods shop or hear of me living in a small log cabin in the mountains, well, I'm guessing I answered these questions to my own satisfaction.

On the other hand if you see me doing 7 gigs a week, recording more records, starting 3 more companies or trying to help 5 more churches somewhere with worship issues, well, I guess I'm still fighting to keep my boxes and stuff and feel the need to fight like i'm 20.   You see the Lord gives the opportunity to get and gives the opportunities to lose. Either way, it is our choice, and  regardless of the outcomes, His name should remain blessed on our lips.

Black and White.. in a snowy land.

Watching "North Star, Mn Black Pioneers". on TPTL cable 13 this morning as part of my morning worship service. Better than most the sermons I can see on Cable, this humble sermon on the lives of incredible life stories of Blacks and their journeys to MN in 1800's from the South to TwinCities, Fergus Falls, Hallak, Harstad, up the Mississippi was humbling. It also made me think of my European Grand Parents and thier difficult journeys to find hope and chance for a freedom and a new life in Amercia and it's growing and changing democracy.

From all the firsts for Blacks in MN. Inventors, Dr,'s Lawyers and so much more this docu. is richly spoken by the incredible and humble articulate children and grandchildren of many famous Americans from MN.  Yet, the learning today of the horrible lynching of the three black teens in Duluth in the 20's, with a photo of the lynching selling for 5cents afterwards just wounded my heart.   Without TV and much radio, who indoctrinated this kind of hatred and fear to a small port town?  It was PARENTS who did or at least allowed it willingly or unwillingly.  Both were not acceptable.  And like the post war Germans, we better face all of our past  head on with our children and grandchildren or we will repeat . Duluth has made an effort. Has it made a difference?  Have evil hearts been changed,or have only new generations been educated differently?

 The photo was a mob of whites in glee in 1920 Duluth.
All I could think of when seeing this was the video's of the modern day muslim beheading in the Mideast and the glee in the faces of those same hate filled peoples, thinking their acts of self righteous hate (as they held heads of innocent people or mutilated or murdered women) captured in film like this.

Never thought this kind of hate was that close to home... in Duluth? And less than 100 years ago.

What we are taught by our parents, is what our neighborhoods and nation will become. There just is no place for racism or radical religious views to grow. Not even in a democracy...  And by radical, I mean this exactly, "the 1,6million radicalized muslims in the world who have no problem killing your children, you, or I. If given the chance for religious power and control, they would not think twice" .

That's not the religious right wing of the conservative party or churches of Christian faith."  That's not peace loving Buddists and Hindi's.  That's radicalized Muslim teaching in their "churches" and religious schools", and here in America and around the free world,  we just let it continue as "what can ya do?"  How do you separate peace loving religious peoples from radicals. Can you re-educate people indoctrinated with this kind of base hatred against each other around the world and here?  We have freedom of speech and religion, but when does it cross the line?  If churches say "death to  x-group if they don't accept Jesus" or organizations teach "death to group-x if they don't change?

  Can all the radical muslim groups world wide be changed?  Will they ever give up on their goal of Sharia? of death to infidels beginning with Israel? Are they lost generations, and our only hope is to find ways to re-educate their children and ours into a different and more peaceful world?
If you watch this inspiring docu. , think about those questions in the light of loving people seeking freedom contrasted by the Duluth based bigotry of an ignorant people. See how it has now changed almost 100 years later up there.  This photo (impossible to remain silent), is of those 3 young men being remembered in Duluth to keep it from happening again, and to educate new generations.  Is there hope for hate groups with murder as the solution?   For those who follow Christ and his teachings, I'd say yes. (political crusades aside from Euro history).  For those who follow many peaceful religions Id say yes. For those who follow sharia and or segregationist, superior, supremacy or (money over all) life views.... I say, not a chance for all, but only a few souls willing to get past radical and ignorant hate.

Tell me what you think of this, if you take the actual time to watch it.. Treat it like a sermon and just force yourself to sit in the pew. With the exception of Duluth... It will inspire you to see the good in people and surly recognize when culture has poisoned the rest. Hate has a face that is very recognizable. In any color or language..
HERE IS THE MOVIE

Walking in the Light, Living in the Dark

Walking in the Dark, living in the light

Walking in the Dark, living in the light

Today as i blog, I once again think out loud. Much like I do when I pray. I start in one place and move across the map with my prayers and focus. In the end i usually sigh and say thank you God for listening to my heart and I thank Him for showing me some small bit of wisdom in the answers I get from His creation, His people, His Spirit. and His word.  And so now I ask again and again and again and I refine and change what I thought was “gospel” for today.....  until the next life class is over and it moves another degree left or right.

It seems the longer you live and view things, you begin to want to look and examine things more closely. One glaring problem with that, is that the closer you look, the more blurry things can become. 

Why the heck didn't God give us macro and telescopic vision in the first place. God knows he could have. Question is, would it have made life better?

I'm thinking not. Why, because He didn’t.  Probably because He knows power or the quest for power in any form, creates a struggle for...  more power. (Genesis....)

So as a person of faith musing here, i ask you, are you walking in the dark while  living in the light, or is it the other way around.  And honestly, does it really matter unless it’s a book, speech or sermon title that needs to sell copies and make some investor, marketing company or publisher happy?

We are products of many things.

The influence of parents, peers, pastors,rabbi’s,bishops,prophets,pundits,shamans, educators, abusers, manipulators, bullies, lovers, friends, enemies, raw DNA, chance and a smile from a grandchild.  
    
Our thoughts, beliefs, actions and opinions,  don’t they come from what we surround ourselves with.  And you say right about now, well of course they do you idiot.   Yea, I know it’s elementary, but it bears repeating before answering just about any question in your life every day.  For without asking yourself and reminding yourself “who taught me what i believe, and who taught them”, it’s hard to listen honestly and or respect another persons opinion, who just happens to be looking for the same outcome from you.

How is it possible for me to be right and everyone else to be wrong.  Is it good for me to believe my close circle of like minded friends are right, and the rest of the world to be in error. For my views of God and understanding of His scriptures within “my own” community of faith to be right, and others in “error”, and wrong.  Hey, I’m talking about “within” the Christian faith here.  Forget for the moment any other faiths or beliefs we may totally disagree with according to our user manual.  Over and over, in decades of faith, I run into intelligent people rejecting God on this question alone, “how can you be right and 2/3rds the world be wrong”?. 

Most believers answer with, “It’s Gods Word that says it, not I.  I didn’t come up with it, or think of it.   I’m just reading it, studying it and trying to apply it as a follower of Christ”.... but of course that’s based upon my teachers daily and weekly explaining of the scriptures to me, from within their own understandings taught to them in whatever denomination sect they were told “is” the proper understanding.

So with that said I posed myself a question..

How much of my faith and life for that matter is actually derived from taught, spoken or preached fear? 

From fearful parents or pastors trying to save us from hell, by “full understanding” of their understanding.  The life of "you do or you won't" or "You're only good enough IF”, or, “this is what the word really means”...   I'd say much of life and faith is certainly derived from this fear based not faith based parenting and theology.   After all, it is easier to tell you that if you step off the roof you’ll kill yourself, than to tell you it’s your choice and you’ll most likely break a leg or two and cost me time and energy in helping you heal. Easier to say death, hell and damnation, than freewill, choice, consequences and love above all.

No parent is willingly letting their child walk off a building to their death. But so long as they are under our roofs and we have to see and examine their lives every day, it’s easier to  rule through fear and trepidation than love, discussions of natural consequences and the long arduous process of letting people find their own way.  After all , I’d submit that if God is love, free will was His ultimate gift of love before the fall and again as Jesus was His free will offering of himself for us 

As mortals we’ve been taught it’s easier to put on one face in public and another in private than really tell the world you are just as mortal and fallen as the gang banger, dealer, addict, road raged, pick any color of skin going to helper. It’s just easier to say it’s black and white,  I’m right and you’re wrong and I’ll just stay in my like minded group.  You just feel better about yourself if you can discretely judge others with your friends.   But, in the end, you are not just living in a bubble. You are not just watching and guiding your children. They are also listening and watching and basing their future faiths and their values on every thing you say in public and do in private. 

How we doing so far?

When is the last time you updated your Last Will and Testament? I'm sure you hope your loved ones read it and "get" all you promise them.

Well in our faith of Christianity, we say God left us a last will and testament.  All that he left us and willed us is in there.  Old and New last will and Testaments called the Bible.  Man has studied and worked very hard to keep it,  in all it's translations as true as possible to original text. Our faith says that the word is actually living, alive and more powerful than any weapon.  We quote it, we fight over the minutia interpretations. However, we unceremoniously teach our group that the other groups are in error and possibly not really be believers at all, or for sure not filled with the Holy Spirit  if they don't understand it like "we" do, or convert to our higher understanding of it’s meanings.   Our fore fathers in the faith used to build castles for "our" group to secretly show others that we are good, that our steeples reached to God and they should join our club to find Him.   Now our castles are getting more and more diverse,  and pop culture in music and media rule the day along with fashion and play lists.

Believers are drawn to the spectacle of whats the newest and greatest like a fashion magazine.   We tell ourselves it's all to reach the lost.  We now try to be relevant, or contemplevant, or whatever the new "vent" will be in order to reach the lost. Really, doesn’t it begin with just being a neighbor? Hey, I’m lousy at it as well. Not standing on any pedestal here...

In our faith of Christianity, should we study to find the Bibles true meaning and stick to each scriptures meaning and fight for that original intent?,  or is the Word alive and flexible and can you take it out of it’s original context each day to illuminate your life, and speak to your heart and nourish your soul as living word?  You know... how many times have you had a question and opened the bible to find the answer in a remarkable manner ranging from serious to funny to damning to loving..   Prosopological exegesis discusses and studies "Who" said "What" in each scripture, "who" were they talking to, and should we be able to take those "who and whats" and put our own names and faces into scriptures meant for others long ago and spoken not to us? Many would say this is actually in essence twisting scripture to fit our own needs and desires. Sounds blasphemous to me.. yes? or no?

Suddenly my walking in the darkness seems more real. My living in the light more confusing in the light of my own understandings.. and yet, my faith grows stronger.

Suddenly "i once was lost and now I'm found was blind but now I see" , grows dim in the light of my study and haze..  and yet my faith grows stronger.

Now really, no undies in a bundle here. My love of Christ is stronger today than the first day I died to self and ego, bowed a knee to ask for mercy, forgiveness, grace and a new life in Jesus.  It’s important to understand that asking good questions doesn’t change ones heart.  And for all the people who've thought I was lost (over some doctrine or action) and now think I'm found (or more lost) in following Christ, I pray for mercy and grace as they follow that same star and hopefully never stop asking questions about the rest of the heavens.  Most of us have been to funerals of people who by all outward appearances lived  lives where most the family would say 

(that from within their faith) that that family member was lost.  Yet, at a funeral, you dig up any history of "faith" or church related stuff from their childhood and speak of their faith in whatever thread of the past you can find.  All hoping and trusting that in the end they truly were following Him, that in the end they really said “yes Jesus” and that really,  "only God" really knows, and we trust in Him with that outcome.  We trust He is just, and that our brother is in his everlasting arms.  Well  where was that love and grace and trust while they were alive? Was it judge and jury? Their lives and actions received our weekly judgements and verbal sentencing while they lived and struggled to find meaning. Now again am I saying I'm not guilty of this living in the light but walking in the darkness? Heck no. Guilty many times in my egocentric life of judging, forgetting first to listen to my own questions before passing judgement on their faith journey.

So forget about the Jews and Muslims and Hindu's for a moment.  Just think about all the Christ based religions you completely disagree with in your own neighborhood. Mormons, J. Witnesses, Full Blown Calvinists, Sprinklers, Dunkers, Jesus Only..ists, Prosperity Gospel Word O' Faith'rs and 150 others who truly  believer they are right in their four walls,  and you are COMPLETELY wrong and in need of repentance and a savior or two…

Do ya ever wonder what the rest of the worlds religions or people still looking and searching for God think of all our holy dysfunction?

Darkness. Yup, it sure is. Muddled and thick, and we've done a good job  of stirrin up the pot.  Hard for them to see the light amidst our own internal darkness of who's really right.  Well,  mortals we are and mortals we'll stay on this side of the dirt. Fallen and Selfish. Self-righteous and Self Serving. We give God what we want and tell others we give Him our all. It’s part of playing the part we’re told and shown how to play.

Does that make us bad? Heck no, but it doesn’t make us right!  He knows what He created and what happened at the fall for heavens sake… If He is who we say He is, He can handle a bit of crisis and drama, and He can and does love us in spite of what we say and do. After all He is our Dad. Our father, our protector, our defender our hero, our creator, our redeemer our eternal healer.  Do you really think he’s happy about seeing what His kids are doing? In free will and unconditional love I’m sure it’s pretty hard for Him to watch us play out this fallen drama.

So in the light of all that, how can we still live or walk in darkness knowing He loves us that much and wants to see us succeed and celebrate all He's given us?   So how can we judge our brothers and sisters on spiritual matters that we are unsure on ourselves and through life changing our minds on...  The longer we live and learn, the more the writer Solomon makes sense in the book of Ecclesiastes.

So what is the real light. How is it manifest. If we are correct and it truly is Jesus, then how do we embrace it as He would have us?  How do we take it in to transform us into His image so we can walk in the light without turning off the rest of the world...

Love.   

yup, Love.

So you define it. First in your words then in His words, and in the totality of His Word.  We know perfect love casts out all fear. And since God has no fear and only perfect love, He is saying “I believe in you, I love you,  I created you and I want you to embrace an abundant life”. 

What do you do with that?

Can we say that to others?  “I believe in you, I love you and I trust in your heart?”

Pretty hard when some are told for many generations that you are the enemy and you are worthy of death if you don’t convert. I’m not speaking of Jihad I’m talking about the Crusades. It was sin, it is sin in any faith and it will always be sin. And will it ever stop? Is anyone ready to forgive the past for a future? Sure doesn’t seem like it looking around the world today. For sure Isaac and Ishmael will most likely never lay down swords. And besides being an epic tragedy, it was foretold by an angel in Genesis.

So what can we do? Become a few generations of pacifists and lay down our lives and nations for the potential future of forgiveness and peace? Be taken over by aggressors and bow to their gods or die? Some would.. I can’t.  

Freedom. Everyone wants it.  Naturally and spiritually. No one want to be shackled and held back. 

For all the flaws of America and the understanding and living out of our constitution, I’m a believer that it still has the best chance for most people to thrive and be all God created them to be. More chance for abuse? yes. More chance for personal errors? Sure, that comes with choice and America was all about more choice and diversity. Not diversity that says I have to believe what you believe or you have to believe what I believe.. Just be able to respect each other as people of faith, without the subversive under context to convert or Kill...  

 So how does each of us in our little plots of land mass move ahead and prepare for our real futures. How do we protect our loved ones and try to leave them a chance for an abundant life?  There will always be rich and poor, strong and weak, fast and slow, lucky and unlucky, healthy and unhealthy, living and dying.

What can we do amidst it all and through it all? 

Love. yup love.  Try not to abuse it, over use it, twist it, contort it and define it for our own gain. Be willing to say I’m sorry, Be willing to love another even if they believe nothing you do, be willing to say “forgive them for they know not what they do”.   You will be closer to God who is that unconditional love, you will be a brighter light and the darkness will not seem as dark around you..  as you walk in the darkness and try to live in the light. 

And, be willing and able to protect and defend everyone else's rights for freedom.